Words Will Break Your Heart

Do you remember your good old

school days? Those elementary or

junior high playgrounds could hold

exciting games of Dodge Ball, but

they might also be intimidating

spaces where cruel words from

fellow students marked us as targets

for ridicule or ostracism. Instead of

a swift ball striking our bodies,

painful, mean words assaulted our

hearts. The usual reply to those nasty comments was, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” Usually, though, the look on our faces spoke a different reality for “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21).

Let’s face it, words make a difference. In fact, everyone can remember unkind words spoken long ago, even by family or friends. Tongues, as weapons to wound or as instruments to encourage, are powerful. However, the tongue possesses no independent authority. It responds to our wishes. So no matter how much we try to curb our speech, such efforts will be ineffective if we do not first examine our emotions and responses, our attitudes and motivations.

Uncontrolled Emotions, Unexamined Thoughts

Frankly, each of us at some point has made comments or accusations that we regret. When we allow our feelings to ramp up, exposing our hurt and anger, the restraint of our speech is often lost. Sadly, as control of our tongues vanishes, the voice of the Spirit, the One who directs us to the truth of the Word, is suppressed. This occurrence is one Paul warned about: “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:30-32). 

What causes our emotions to become so unrestrained that we fail to restrict our speech? According to Hannah Hurnard, loss of control comes from our manner of thinking: “If there is one sin in the thought life more common than another, it is this brooding … on the shortcomings, blemishes, failures and mistakes of others, until they … crush the thoughts of love in a truly awful way.”[1] Consequently, what our thoughts focus on will burrow deep in our hearts and find its way into our words. When our love for others is trampled by our feelings (even valid ones) and a negative emphasis on the sins of others dominates us, the results are truly awful, whether they come out in cruel, resentful actions or bitter words.

An Unguarded Heart

The root problem stems from our heart. “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Luke also cautions, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (6:45). The Lord is honored when we follow his wise instructions, no matter how we feel, no matter how different our personalities or opinions may be. Right actions can change hard feelings, but rarely do angry, bitter feelings produce right actions.

Of course, as the passage in Ephesians reminds us, the motivating factor that pushes us to forgive, to release grudges, to restrain our feelings, is the amazing love of God. For we, as unworthy sinners, are called upon to forgive others with  the same merciful love with which God forgave us. Christ taught that a life of forgiveness forms the path we must follow to be called His disciples.

Living Loved

Too often, we live with a wrong focus: unchangeable circumstances, irritating people, broken hearts. We find sleep interrupted as we toss and turn through the night, haunted by worry or grudges. The daytime is no better, for troubled thoughts come charging at us even in our daily routines. How do we overcome this brooding, so it does not crush our peace of mind and thoughts of love? One of the best ways is to redirect our focus onto the lovely face of Jesus:

                  Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

                  And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace.[2]

To maintain our focus on Jesus, we can listen to music that draws our hearts to praise and worship Him. When fretful thoughts waken me in the middle of the night, I sing to the Lord, which immediately draws me to His love and away from my sorrows.

Another strategy is to memorize Scriptures that remind us of His truths and not the world’s lies. Writing passages on index cards and placing them where we’ll see them directs our focus away from ourselves. Deciding beforehand how we will respond to painful situations and words can help us prepare ourselves for the battle for our hearts, for our minds, for our emotions. D. Bruce Lockerbie speaks of engaging in this warfare: “We must ‘launch an assault’ because the ideas floated by Satan and the world system appeal so strongly to our fallen nature.”[3] 

Also,  Peter reminds us, "But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously” ( 1 Peter 2:20-22).

Following Jesus

Jesus remains the ultimate example. Therefore, we must study, learn, and obey His Word. Although we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2), Christ is always ready to forgive, to restore, and to encourage us. Forgiving, restoring, and encouraging are ways that we should also relate to others.

The tongue can be used as a weapon to harm and destroy or as a tool to build and heal. It is fueled by the content of our hearts and minds.

What kind of impact do your words have?

[1] Hurnard, Hannah.  God’s Transmitters. (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House, 1975), 65.

[2] Lemmel, Helen H. “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.” https://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/h/645.

[3] Lockerbie, D. Bruce. Thinking and Acting Like a Christian. (Colorado Springs, CO:

 Multnomah, 1989), 59.